How it Feels to Be Wrong At All Times 

Oh, it feels great.

Who knew that having had kids or having any kind of experience with them automatically granted you a PhD in tell new moms what to do with their own?! What a shock, right?! But what if I told you it doesn’t stop there – destructive criticism and toxic assumptions are also part of the package! In other words, welcome to motherhood! You’re doing it wrong!

What do you mean, you never breastfed? What do you mean, your kid is 2 and you’re still breastfeeding? What do you mean, you stay home all day with the kids and can’t get anything done? What do you mean, you actually went back to work and leave your kids with a babysitter or worse, put them in daycare? Oh, how outrageous!!

Outrageous, my ass. Cut the bullshit. Nothing makes me lose my cool more than seeing moms attacking moms over personal choices. Be outraged over how the sanctimommies (aka, mothers who portrait themselves as absolutely perfect in every aspect yet are dying on the inside) have come in and pillaged the mommy village. I’m very tolerant of what moms chose to do with their own kids – it is simply not my business. You do what works for you, and just because it works for you, it doesn’t mean it will work for everyone else. Shocker, right?! Am I blowing your mind yet?

Plain and simple – don’t try to shove your idea of motherhood and what a mother should do down anyone’s throats. Not only is it unacceptable, but it’s just plain rude. I’ve seen it destroy happy moments, destroy a mom’s inner happiness over finding something that will allow her to be at her best to care and provide for her child. Why would you pride yourself in causing torment and sadness on others? They’re the same ladies who like to bash their partners, insisting they’re some kind of Alpha in parenting. No, honey. Parenthood is like a pair of pants for two – each parent has one leg in it and it won’t work in the long run unless you time it and use teamwork to get through it. If you’re a single parent, the pants are all yours, and I have ever-growing respect for you.

Empower each other, rejoice over milestones with each other. Comments and suggestions are great – when someone asks for it. The amount of unsolicited advice and corrections on what we did (and still do) with our girls was maddening. We couldn’t do anything right, apparently! Yet here they are, ridiculously healthy, smart, happy, and excellently well-tempered. Hmmm. Curious, eh?

Forgive me, Sanctimommies, for I have sinned:

– I tried my hardest to breastfeed them, but stress and lack of sleep got the best of me. I did it for 4 months, and now they love Gerber’s Good Start Soothe formula.

– I never feed them at the same time. I tried once and it did not work. So they’ve learned the virtue of patience, and what more can you ask from babies?

– I refuse to prop bottles. No explanation needed, it’s just a preference. You do you.

– I do not lay my babies flat to drink their bottles. Not only is it not recommended because keeping their heads above their tummies helps prevent ear infections, but it is also a choking hazard. Lydia took 11 extra days to come home because she choked on her bottle and turned blue, unable to resume breathing.

– I let River sleep on her tummy. She rolled over on her own to sleep like that, and I know she can roll back and move her head if she needs to.

– My girls shared a crib for 4 months, and slept with a blanket. When River learned to roll, they went into separate cribs and no blanket.

– They never slept in our room. They went straight to their crib when they came home, and never slept in rock-and-plays overnight.

– My girls don’t “cry it out”. Firstly, they’re not big criers. Secondly, I don’t believe in that method, and it’s worked really well that I tend to them when they do cry.

– I’m picky about loose and pointy jewelry when it comes to being around the girls. They can poke themselves, break your stuff, and it’s just not something I want to deal with. I don’t care that it’s not a big deal to others and that some might find me a bitch for this, but if it means the above incidents won’t happen, I simply don’t give a damn.

– I don’t want pictures of my babies shared on social media. Why? For one, they’re my babies. Also, I can control who sees them on there, and people who I don’t want seeing their pictures don’t see them. And again, they’re my babies. Don’t share my things. Does it have to make sense to you? No. Just don’t do it.

– I absolutely vaccinate my children according to their actual age.

Whew. I’m glad I got those things out of my chest. *much needed eye roll*

So for those mothers and fathers who are having to deal with all of this insanity, don’t pay attention to it. You know what works best for your children. Not some stranger sitting behind a computer.

Keep calm and parent on, brothers and sister.

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