Food for Thought

My day started with taking miss Lydia to the Golisano Children’s Hospital for a nephrology appointment. Yep. Nephrology. It’s a term for the area of medicine that specializes in kidney care. Before anyone freaks out, let me add that she’s fine. Apparently, while she was still a few days old and in the NICU (remember, the girls were both at 28 weeks), the doctors noticed acid building up in her blood. They gave her some meds for  that and it appears to be back to normal. But still, they wanted her to come in so they could check things out. No biggie. So, I woke up at 6am and snoozed my alarm, but not before miss River started crying in her crib. Two diaper changes, bottles, and a back-to-sleep River later, Lydia and I were ready to go while River and Rick were asleep.

Can I just tell you how nice it was to only have to prep one baby to leave the house?! In that moment, I kept thinking so this is how singleton moms do it? This is significantly easier! And then I was a tad envious. And then I left the house. On the drive to the hospital, Lydia was talking to herself and to her two favorite toys (I’d never dare leave those two toys home when we leave) and I was listening to some quiet music. We parked at the hospital, I grabbed the much-lighter diaper bag, grabbed the car seat, and locked the car. No stroller needed today. This… This is nice.

Lydia and I arrived about 30 minutes early, so we sat outside the locked doors to the waiting room and started talking. Just me and Lydia. It felt weird that it was just us two, because I’m used to having River with us as well and because of the 11 days I had with just River while Lydia was still in the NICU. It felt weird, yet a nice kind of weird. But there we were, chatting away as more people gathered by the closed doors, all entranced by her squeaky voice, squinty eyes, and toothless smile. She looked so damn cute with her hat on today, too. It was nice to be able to spend time with and only focus on her.

Happy Little Lydia
Checking in, going through the appointment, and leaving the hospital was so easy with just one baby. I didn’t get stopped and stared at and asked if I had twins, I didn’t have to juggle timing with one getting cranky/bored/hungry while there, my attention didn’t have to be divided between two babies, there was no struggle when it came to the surprise blood test that Lydia had to do (I guess I should have expected one given the nature of the appointment, but she handled it like a freaking boss baby). Also, let me add a cute and comical thing I learned today. Lydia had to do the baby equivalent of peeing in a cup. That was done by sticking a little baggie on the outer area of her tiny lady parts and covering it up with the diaper. Once she had peed, the doctor removed the little bag (Lydia’s face was priceless) and ta-da – pee acquired. That was truly enlightening. But back to my internal conflict – this had been, hands down, the easiest time I had to ever leave the house since they were born. On the drive home, I suddenly became even greener with envy. I even thought things like this would’ve been how the past 9 months of our lives turned out if we had only one baby, or I can’t believe how much easier this is, and I kind of wish we had only one baby. The last one stung me a lot as I thought it, and I quickly shoo’d it out of brain and kept driving home. Home. Where the second baby was. Where, as soon as I step inside, it’ll be the crazy juggle and the compromising-with-two-non-comprehending-babies routine would begin. Oh, it’s Wednesday, isn’t it? That means PT session for them, where I also have to divide my attention in between two babies and make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to do as per John, their PT guy. Ahhhh, why??

I know, I had some awful thoughts. We all know I love my babies very much and the same, but I was still green over how much easier this all was with just one baby. Also, I’m human. I guarantee any mother of twins thought like that at one point (or various points) in her life.

But today was the day for realizations. Sure, it seems much easier with just one baby, but I wouldn’t have the same amount of entertainment, smiles, happy screaming, cooing, babbling, drooling mouths that make my day everyday. I wouldn’t witness the ever-growing, incredible bond these two have with each other. I wouldn’t feel this complete, nor would my heart feel this full of love. I stood in the kitchen today as I witnessed Lydia and River interact a lot more with each other. One was on the bouncer, the other was sitting on the bumbo seat. They were “talking” to each other. Yes, “talking”. Sure, they squealed and screamed at times, but I couldn’t help but notice the mixing of consonants and vowels and sounds they were making while looking at smiling directly at each other.

They were beyond happy to be with each other again once Lydia and I returned home.
I wanted to slap the Camila who was thinking those stupid thoughts on the drive home. I actually wouldn’t want it any other way. I can’t imagine just having Lydia or just having River, it simply doesn’t make sense to me anymore. They hit, cuddled, played, and talked with each other more than any other day. It didn’t help me forgive myself the fact that they were so incredibly good today – both ate really well and emptied all their bottles, they both napped twice for almost two hours and AT THE SAME TIME, they both enjoyed bath time and actually sat up for the whole thing.

The grass always seems greener on the other side. But it’s not. This may be a lot harder than only having to take care of one baby, but this is also a little sweeter. Double the love, double the cuddles, double the amount of love my heart overflows with.

At the end of the day, I’m a little exhausted from the appointment this morning followed by their weekly Early Intervention PT session and a visit from their new E.I. case worker. My clavicle on the right side is popping and hurts every time I lift my arm. I have clutter all over the house and I’m just now coming off the frantic high of having to be aware of incoming tantrums and changes in their interests. I’m tired and I am actually asking myself if I showered today (I don’t think I did), but this is all part of the amazing experience of having twins.

This is my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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