Difficulties and Changes

Things have gone from hard to easy, to hard 2.0 then back to easy, and now we’re reaching hard 3.0. What am I talking about? The girls, of course.

No, River and Lydia are still not crawling or walking. They are, however, lunging and pulling themselves up, refusing to sit down, screaming when we put them down, trying to climb on our dog Zelda (I was dying when Lydia attempted that yesterday), and eating little snacks like pros. I remember thinking it’d be easier as they got bigger, but I have been entirely wrong about this the whole time. It doesn’t get easier, the reality is that we adapt and get used to a new “normal”, and then shit changes and we struggle to hold on to the edge of the cliff. But then we do manage to pull ourselves back up and carry on.

I love these two so much and they’re so cute, it’s hard to not giggle when Lydia lunges at my legs and does some sort of downward-dog yoga pose, or when River does the worm backwards and cries when she realizes she’d not going forward. But it does grind on my nerves a little bit when I can’t even step away to pee. I have to resort to peeing with the door open so I can make funny faces at them. Making food for myself has also turned into an Olympic sport – unless I turn on Word Party. Then, I have to decide between silently screaming the whole time or just deal with real, baby screaming while the girls complain I’m not directly in front of them.

“I’m moving, I’m moving! ……. I’m not moving at all, am I?”
Lunging Lydia does a prepare. Lunging Lydia attacks!

My husband and I freaking text each other the lyrics to the songs in Word Party. Did they ever tell you about that part of parenthood?!

Now, I can only flinch when I think of them crawling. We’ll be so screwed. They’ll be going in different directions, going for different things they shouldn’t grab, and then we’ll have to think of who has more of a chance to succeed in life and go to college before deciding who to run after. I’m kidding. I think. I mean, we haven’t gotten to that point yet.

The one thing that remains a constant is their ability to acknowledge that it’s bedtime and not fuss anymore. We can put them down while they’re wide awake, squeaking, yelling, and babbling – once they touch the mattress and we give them their stuffed animals, it’s night-night time. This is also what makes us fucking terrified of ever having another baby. We have it so good with these two – they’re happy, bouncy, energetic, and loving babies. WHAT IF their future brother/sister is a complete nightmare?! What if he/she is a colicky baby, who refuses to sleep, wants to nurse 24/7, cries all day, and is a crabby child? I’m stressing out just thinking about that and we’re not planning on getting pregnant again for another couple of years!

Lydia looks like the “Success Kid” meme in this picture.

All in all, we’ve been adapting pretty well to curve balls thrown at us by both the babies and life. We’ve laughed instead of crying, we’ve face-palmed instead of arguing, we’ve quietly danced around with a bouncing baby in a dark bedroom instead of crying like babies ourselves. Even though they’ve been sleeping pretty well for the last few months, it takes a lot of energy to take care of two babies, so we’re finding ways to make sure we’re well-rested and ready to go when they wake up. Almost 9 months into having the girls at home (don’t forget they spent their first 2 months of life in the NICU), I’d say we’ve left the beginner and normal levels and have started to dip our toes in the deep pool of the Hardcore Mode.

Let’s see how many times we’re going to need to respawn.

(Gamer lingo for “keep your fingers crossed for us, y’all.”)


In honor of Prematurity Awareness Month, here’s a link to my March of Dimes team. We’ll be walking again on May 19th, in Rochester NY. Feel free to join us, or donate if you can! Click here to go to Team River and Lydia’s page.




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