Over It

It’s 2:30am.

I’m on the couch, Zelda is lying down with me, and River is on her bouncy chair.

I told Rick to go sleep. Lydia has been miraculously sleeping since 7pm.

Fuck this cold season. Fuck it very much. It invited itself into our house and it has overstayed its lack of welcomeness. It needs to get the hell out of our house and die.

We just can’t catch a break. The girls have been sick with colds and things they can’t take any medication for on and off since December. And, of course, we get whatever they have, so we’ve all been sick for a while. I. Am. So. Over it. We still have to work, we still have to struggle daily with very little sleep, and we do not ever get to rest so we can feel better. Perks of not having family in town. I don’t fucking recommend it, especially with twins.

I ran to Wegmans after doing research on a non-homeopathic but chemical-free cough and mucus syrup and bought it. I read that it could make them throw up because it kicks the mucus out almost instantly, and that’s exactly what River did. It was all mucus. She’s finally sleeping after hours of nonstop crying.

I hate the feeling of not being able to do shit for my girls to make them feel better. I hate that they can’t take antihistamines or actual expectorants. I hate that they can’t go back to their happy and healthy selves. I was so proud of keeping them sickness-free for a whole year that I thought they would go on untouched by illnesses, that I was clearly doing something right. I’m sure I’m still doing everything right, or at least I’m trying really hard to, but I can’t stand seeing them like this. It’s torture.

I know their immune systems are growing because of it. I know that this too shall pass. But for fuck’s sake, it’s time for whatever is lingering on around us to leave us alone.

I just want them to feel better. Poor babies… I just want the four of us to feel better and be be able to actually rest.

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